Betrayal vs. The Doughnut

Betrayal vs. The Doughnut

I’m sure you have all experienced the “B word” from either a friend, or

multiple friends, “bitches,” a boyfriend, a husband, a sister, a daughter,

a mother, … I have experienced all of these in the last 30 days.

My first attack was on a bag of Cheetos and some dark chocolate. (Have

I mentioned my obsession with dark chocolate?) Then, a good cry, yes,

mascara flowing … feeling very sorry for myself! This was followed by 

more crying, Cheetos, a doughnut, and maltballs. Okay, now I’m sick,

and betrayed, and no one loves me, … ”waaaaaaaaa!”
A looser of sorts, not only have I lived through a cheating rat of an
ex-husband, but also a flock of asshole ”friends.” It’s amazing how I
attracted the weirdest, misfit group of people in my life. I thought that I
was the normal, sane one. No my dears, I was just as messed up, if not

more so, … a denial ridden mess, a hot mess actually.

Recently, I have been at odds with the following people:
1. My sister
2. My mother
3. My daughters
4. A girlfriend
5. A staff member
6. My daughters!
(This is the most painful, as any woman with children can attest.) No one 

can hurt you more, or break your heart more than that of your own blood,

sweat, and tears. A daughter is that and more, … mostly tears.
During the dark days known as teenage years, or the age demographic from
12 to 25, it has not stopped being a heartbreak. These are women you

invest your entire life in, … and yes, it is an investment. Anyone who says

different, has not been present in the lives of their children. No man can

inflict the rage, or pain one feels after being slapped with a fist of reality

across the face! The reality is that, although it’s wonderful raising strong,

powerful women … one forgets, one must then live with them!

So, while sitting in wrappers, with a tear soaked face, I had a thought….

“If all of these women are betraying me, not loving me, not being there for

me, … who’s fault is it?” Shit, shit, shit!  “It’s mine! I’m the problem, even

for a group of the utmost in bitchiness, it’s me!”
I’m the one with the issues? Am I the one betraying, not loving? … Not
being there, for me? If I’m not being present in my own life, and living it

authentically, why should they show up for me?

I will own some of it, mostly the part that I’m not loving myself
enough to demand respect, and hold them to being there for me. I have
many faults, but one is not being present for all the people that I love.
By taking responsibility for my relationships not working, I take the
power back. When we are eating our feelings, it’s just us not feeling
we have our own power. I also need a reality check on my own bitching!
Enough food, tears, and shopping! I have officially pulled myself up by
the big girl panties and said, “It’s me too! What can I change today?”
Girls, don’t hate, participate. It’s not all “them,” you are part of them too!

Quit your bitchin’, and get on with it.