Fat Man In A Little Coat ..Part 1

Each step I told myself, ” don’t quit”( this has been my mantra for
most of my life). Sweat pouring, heart pounding. Was I going to stoke
out right here on this god forsaken dirt road in the middle of the
scene from deliverance? As cars slow down to see the crazy woman, I
looked at them, daring them to look back, brazen and full of anger.
Angry at myself, angry at them for looking at me, and angry for what
I had let my life become .

I was fat. No, I really mean fat. Not like when a size 6 bimbo says
“I’m so fat”, when you feel yourself restrain from taking a cane to her
backside and yelling ill show you fat!
I had gained a collective 100 pounds in the last few years of my
marriage. Unhappy, hating my then husband, the only solace was found in
a bag of cheettos, cookie batter, lasagna, doughnuts (jelly cake,
maple bars, fritters), you name it. I had a love affair with food.

I woke up on January 13 and said enough! Boy was it enough. 247
pounds and counting. Not sure why that day was different, but I do
remember thinking, nothing is ever going to change, it will only get worse if
I don’t stop, and besides I was way too cute to be a fat girl!
Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and say, “enough”!

” if it is to be its up to me”

Thank you mom for yet another life lesson that I will never forget and
have lived by these words my entire life.

It was up to me, I held the fork!

As I walked up and down those hills where my husband and I thought
would be a good place to raise our kids, might I say the hills, with
hill people.  I was on a mission to save my life, and my soul. I did
a lot of thinking putting in the miles that year. How life was about
to change I would have never in a million years envisioned for myself.

It did, and I made it happen. No one else! I did it every step.
Everyday, even when I didn’t want to get out there, or eat the things I
knew would change my body…I did it, and I did it for an entire year.
Everyday in rain and snow and heat and all things hideous, I did it!

So as I shrank, the talk in this oh so small town was about the crazy
woman who walks, shrinking,  phone calls from, ” friends” all of them
fat and all of them women, wondering if I was ok?
Reeeeealllly!  Why didn’t you ask when I was fat as hell?
“Don’t be such a bitch”

I thought about the things I would do if I were thin, where would I go
if I had all the money to do it, I thought about leaving my husband,
taking care of me. Everyday, every step, every decision got me closer
to my vision to be the fabulous woman I knew I was supposed to be.

Stay tuned this is the best part!
~Reigan Riley